Frostbite Chapter 17

SeventeenWHAT DO YOU THINK YOURE doing? she demanded. Her voice was still too loud as farther closely as I was concerned.Nothing, I- Excuse us, Lord Ivashkov, she growled. Then, interchangeable I was five years venerable, she grabbed me by my artillery and jerked me out of the room. Champagne sloshed out of my glass and splashed onto the skirt of my dress.What do you think youre doing? I exclaimed, once we were out in the h either. Mournfully, I looked lot at my dress. This is silk. You could wear ruined it.She grabbed the champagne fluting and set it down on a nearby table. Good. mayhap itll stop you from dressing up indispensableness a cheap whore.Whoa, I said, shocked. Thats kind of harsh. And where do you get off turning motherly all of a sudden? I gestured to the dress. This isnt exactly cheap. You thought it was expert of Tasha to give it to me.Thats because I didnt expect you to tire out it out with Moroi and shed a spectacle of yourself.Im non making a spectacle of myself. And anyway, it covers everything up.A dress that tight top executive as well be showing everything, she retorted. She, of course, was dressed in guardian dreary tailored black linen pants and a matching blazer. She had a few curves of her own, alone the clothing hid them.Especially when youre with a group alike that. Your bodysconspicuous. And toying with Moroi doesnt really help.I wasnt flirting with him.The accusation made me angry because I felt Id been on really good behavior lately. I used to flirt all the prison term- and do other things- with Moroi guys, but after a few talks and one embarrassing incident with Dimitri, Id accomplished how stupid that was. Dhampir girls did have to be careful with Moroi guys, and I kept that in approximation all the conviction now.Something petty occurred to me. Besides, I said mockingly, isnt that what Im supposed to do? Hook up with a Moroi and further my lam? Its what you did.She glowered. Not when I was your age.You w ere only a few years older than me.Dont do anything stupid, Rose, she said. Youre too novel for a baby. You dont have the life experience for it- you havent even lived your own life yet. You wont be able to do the kind of job you wish you could.I groaned, mortified. Are we really even discussing this? How did we go from me allegedly flirting to suddenly having a litter? Im not having sex with him or anyone else, and even if I were, I grapple intimately birth control. Why are you talking to me like Im a child?Because you act like one. It was remarkably like what Dimitri had told me.I glared. So youre going to send me to my room now?No, Rose. She suddenly looked tired. You dont have to go to your room, but dont go back in there, either. Hopefully you didnt draw too very much attention.You make it sound like I was giving a lap dance in there, I told her. I fair had dinner with Lissa.Youd be surprised what things can spark rumors, she warned. Especially with Adrian Ivashkov.With t hat, she turned and headed off down the entrance hall. Watching her, I felt anger and resentment burn through me. Overreact much? I hadnt done anything wrong. I knew she had her whole blood-whore paranoia, but this was extreme, even for her. Worst of all, shed dragged me out of there, and several people had witnessed it. For individual who supposedly didnt ask me attracting attention, shed kind of messed that one up.A couple of Moroi whod been standing near Adrian and me walked out of the room. They glanced in my direction and then whispered something as they passed.Thanks, Mom, I muttered to myself.Humiliated, I stalked off in the opposer direction, not really sure where I was going. I headed out toward the back of the lodge, out-of-door from all the activity.The hall eventually ended, but a doorstep leading to some stairs sat on the left. The door was unlocked, so I followed the stairs upward to another door. To my pleasure, it opened up onto a small rooftop blow up that di dnt appear to see much use. A blanket of snow lay over it all, but it was primaeval morning out here, and the sun shone brightly, making everything glitter.I brushed snow off of a large, box-like bearing that looked to be part of the ventilation system. Heedless of my dress, I sat down on it. Wrapping my ordnance around myself, I stared off, taking in the view and the sun I rarely got to enjoy.I was ball over when the door opened a few minutes later. When I looked back I was even to a greater extent startled still to see Dimitri emerge. My heart gave a small flutter, and I turned away, unsure what to think. His boots crunched in the snow as he walked over to where I was sitting. A moment later, he took off his large coat and draped it over my shoulders.He sat down beside me. You must be freezing.I was, but I didnt want to admit it. The suns out.He tipped his head back, looking up at the sinless blue sky. I knew he missed the sun as much as I did sometimes. It is. plainly were still on a mountain in the middle of winter.I didnt answer. We sat there in a comfortable silence for a while. Occasionally, a light wind blew clouds of snow around. It was night for Moroi, and most would be going to bed soon, so the ski runs were quiet.My life is a disaster, I finally said. Its not a disaster, he said automatically.Did you follow me from the party?Yes.I didnt even acknowledge you were there. His dark wearing apparel indicated he must have been on guardian duty at the party. So you saw the far-famed Janine cause a commotion by dragging me out.It wasnt a commotion. Hardly anyone noticed. I saw because I was watching you.I refused to let myself get excited over that. Thats not what she said, I told him. I exponent as well have been working a corner as far as she was concerned.I relayed the conversation from the hallway.Shes just worried about you, Dimitri said when I finished.She overreacted.Sometimes mothers are overprotective.I stared at him. Yeah, but this is my mother. And she didnt seem that protective, really. I think she was more worried Id embarrass her or something. And all that becoming-a-mother-too-young overeat was stupid. Im not going to do anything like that.Maybe she wasnt talking about you, he said.More silence. My ride fell open.You dont have the life experience for it- you havent even lived your own life yet. You wont be able to do the kind of job you wish you could.My mom had been twenty when I was born. Growing up, that had ever so seemed really old to me. But nowthat was only a few years off for me. Not old at all. Did she think shed had me too soon? Had she done a shoddy job raising me simply because she didnt know any better at the time? Did she regret the way things had turned out between us? And was it was it maybe possible that shed had some personal experience of her own with Moroi men and people spreading rumors about her? I had inherited a lot of her features. I mean, Id even noticed tonight what a nice figur e she had. She had a pretty face, too- for a nearly forty-year-old, I mean. Shed probably been really, really good-looking when she was young.I sighed. I didnt want to think about that. If I did, I might have to reassess my relationship with her- maybe even acknowledge my mother as a real person- and I already had too many relationships stressing me. Lissa always worried me, even though she seemed to be okay for a change. My so-called romance with stonemason was in shambles. And then, of course, there was Dimitri.We arent fighting right now. I blurted out.He gave me a obliquely look. Do you want to fight?No. I hate fighting with you. Verbally, I mean. I dont mind in the gym.I thought I detected the hint of a smile. Always a half-smile for me. seldom a full one. I dont like fighting with you either.Sitting next to him there, I marveled at the w subdivision up and happy emotions springing up inside of me. There was something about macrocosm around him that felt so good, that tra vel me in a way Mason couldnt. You cant force love, I realized. Its there or it isnt. If its not there, youve got to be able to admit it. If it is there, youve got to do whatever it takes to protect the ones you love.The next words that came out of my mouth astound me, both because they were completely unselfish and because I actually meant them.You should take it.He flinched. What?Tashas offer. You should take her up on it. Its a really great chance.I remembered my moms words about being ready for children. I wasnt. Maybe she hadnt been. But Tasha was. And I knew Dimitri was too. They got along really well. He could go be her guardian, have some kids with her it would be a good deal for both of them.I never expected to hear you say anything like that, he told me, voice tight. Especially after- What a bitch Ive been? Yeah. I tugged his coat tighter against the cold. It smelled like him. It was intoxicating, and I could half-imagine being wrapped in his embrace. Adrian might have b een onto something about the power of scent. Well. Like I said, I dont want to fight anymore. I dont want us to hate each other. Andwell I squeezed my eyes close up and then opened them. No matter how I feel about us I want you to be happy.Silence yet again. I noticed then that my chest hurt.Dimitri reached out and put his arm around me. He pulled me to him, and I rested my head on his chest. Roza, was all he said.It was the first time hed really touched me since the night of the lust charm. The practice room had been something different more animal. This wasnt even about sex. It was just about being close to someone you cared about, about the emotion that kind of connection inundate you with.Dimitri might run off with Tasha, but I would still love him. I would probably always love him.I cared about Mason. But I would probably never love him.I sighed into Dimitri, just wishing I could stay like that forever. It felt right being with him. And- no matter how much the thought of h im and Tasha made me ache- doing what was best for him felt right. Now, I knew, it was time to stop being a coward and do something else that was right. Mason had said I needed to learn something about myself. I just had.Reluctantly, I pulled away and handed Dimitri his coat. I stood up. He regarded me curiously, sensing my unease.Where you going? he asked.To break someones heart, I replied.I admire Dimitri for a heartbeat more- the dark, knowing eyes and silken hair. Then I headed inside. I had to apologize to Masonand tell him thered never be anything between us.